So today is Kay's Birthday, and i find myself sitting her missing her and feeling very lonely. Fun right.
I dont really know, we never had anything special associated with this day, hell i dont think we were even dating on her birthday. but still, i feel my stomach clench with pain at the loss of her. I find it amusing at least slightly at the fact that her leaving me over a year ago can still casue physical pain. Wonder if she knows that, wonder if she would care if she did. I dunno. Guess i just needed to write out how i am feeling, and sucks does a pretty good job of describing it.
May life bring you better than mine.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
A Heart and Soul in tatters.
If you dont like introspective Emotional rantings please ignore this.
Basicaly thats how i feel right now. Im in itty bitty pieces. I found one of Kay's old journals, which cut me up a bit, and painted me in a very different light than i felt, but i also fet that it was true. and i am amazed that i missed some signs of things coming. So i talked to her about it. Somehow i still came out of that converstaion sounding like a jerk and basicaly feeling like crap. which continues for now.
So what do you do when your heart is stuck on someone who you love more than anything in the world. But she has already moved on. And you both know that things probably would never work out even if you did get back together. but still you cant stop loving her, Ive tried, and that just tore me apart inside even more. You cant love 2 people at the same time. Or at leat i cant despite trying very hard to.
I... I miss her, I miss the warmth. No one has ever made me feel the way she did, both in good and bad. It is not fun going to sleep not knowing weather the target of your love may not be alive in the morning. and knowing that if she wasnt that you woulnt be either rather quickly. :( i dont know what the point of this is, She is right, im just destroying myself. but without this what am i? a fragmented soul lost in the world.
I have given her a piece of my heart, and i am not sure i can be whole again.
Basicaly thats how i feel right now. Im in itty bitty pieces. I found one of Kay's old journals, which cut me up a bit, and painted me in a very different light than i felt, but i also fet that it was true. and i am amazed that i missed some signs of things coming. So i talked to her about it. Somehow i still came out of that converstaion sounding like a jerk and basicaly feeling like crap. which continues for now.
So what do you do when your heart is stuck on someone who you love more than anything in the world. But she has already moved on. And you both know that things probably would never work out even if you did get back together. but still you cant stop loving her, Ive tried, and that just tore me apart inside even more. You cant love 2 people at the same time. Or at leat i cant despite trying very hard to.
I... I miss her, I miss the warmth. No one has ever made me feel the way she did, both in good and bad. It is not fun going to sleep not knowing weather the target of your love may not be alive in the morning. and knowing that if she wasnt that you woulnt be either rather quickly. :( i dont know what the point of this is, She is right, im just destroying myself. but without this what am i? a fragmented soul lost in the world.
I have given her a piece of my heart, and i am not sure i can be whole again.
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