Seriously, It is. I have had a good day, yet i am really down. its just been I dunno it sucks.
Tryed to Draw to make it better but that didnt help.
Finally got cheered up when L started talking to me a bit ago. Lol more proof that i love her and am linked to her, not that i should still be, 2 years is a long time to hold on. But seems i will keep doing it. Yay Internal Damage.
Still need a better, more reliable way to deal with my depression, Since Drawing seems to not be as cathartic as it used to.
Cutting never fixes anything. but i know the pain release can almost seem worth it.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Emotional turbulance.
I Really Shouldnt talk to people when im like this. My Emotions are all screwy.
I Love K, She does not feel the same way about me, almost certanly never will, but i keep trying cause of that undying love that i have for her. It terrible i know i need to stop loving her to move on but i cant.
And sometimes like tonight, My Emotions get the better of me, and i have to remember not to talk to people when i am like this. Partly why this blog exsists. it is a safe place where i cannot hurt my friends. and fortunately i dont hurt myself. but part of my pain is that she used to, probably still does. and that hurts me deeper than i can even understand or really want to look at. I have said it before i will say it again. I dont wear my scars on my skin but i do wear Her scars under it. i have seen her scars and they scar my mind and soul, i hurt for her so very much. my unending love for her, empathy and love. that is it.
What is a boy to do.
May life in its infinite wisdom bring us answers.
I Love K, She does not feel the same way about me, almost certanly never will, but i keep trying cause of that undying love that i have for her. It terrible i know i need to stop loving her to move on but i cant.
And sometimes like tonight, My Emotions get the better of me, and i have to remember not to talk to people when i am like this. Partly why this blog exsists. it is a safe place where i cannot hurt my friends. and fortunately i dont hurt myself. but part of my pain is that she used to, probably still does. and that hurts me deeper than i can even understand or really want to look at. I have said it before i will say it again. I dont wear my scars on my skin but i do wear Her scars under it. i have seen her scars and they scar my mind and soul, i hurt for her so very much. my unending love for her, empathy and love. that is it.
What is a boy to do.
May life in its infinite wisdom bring us answers.
Monday, August 4, 2008
A Little can go long way.
Yay i am back at home after 10 weeks of camp.
Been back since wednesday. Finally Got to see K today YAY Still dont know what i will do. Love her but know that i cant be with her. Still getting to spend time with her is enough to but a smile on my face and a little warmth in my heart. Had dinner together in the park, if we were dating it would have been romantic. oh well. thats the news on that front.
M Is pissed at me, like, a lot. Apparently the dirty joking and inuendo are really upsetting her and i crossed the line. so she is not speaking to me, that and her connection is bad. I was really hoping to get some help with from her, i want her to do some modeling for me but looks like that idea is down the shitter, for now at least.
Neko Is being a bit of a bitch. She stopped talking to me. K got hold of my phone and deleter all of her number, well i really let her. im not to upset, neko has shown me she really doesn't care so i have stopped caring.
and thats What Life in it's infinite wisdom brings us today.
Been back since wednesday. Finally Got to see K today YAY Still dont know what i will do. Love her but know that i cant be with her. Still getting to spend time with her is enough to but a smile on my face and a little warmth in my heart. Had dinner together in the park, if we were dating it would have been romantic. oh well. thats the news on that front.
M Is pissed at me, like, a lot. Apparently the dirty joking and inuendo are really upsetting her and i crossed the line. so she is not speaking to me, that and her connection is bad. I was really hoping to get some help with from her, i want her to do some modeling for me but looks like that idea is down the shitter, for now at least.
Neko Is being a bit of a bitch. She stopped talking to me. K got hold of my phone and deleter all of her number, well i really let her. im not to upset, neko has shown me she really doesn't care so i have stopped caring.
and thats What Life in it's infinite wisdom brings us today.
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